Journal #1

I am, above all else, a creative soul. I am addicted to film making, reading and writing. Over the past few years, film has become my passion.
Ever Saturday since I can remember, up until the age of thirteen, I spent the night watching movies with my dad. Though there were many reruns of the Star Wars and Jurassic Park trilogies, there was also a healthy dose of classic film. At a very young age I became obsessed with old monster movies such as Frankenstein, Dracula, The Invisible Man, and King Kong. I was fascinated by the art of the black and white films and the beauty of the old-Hollywood actors.
At the age of ten, I discovered Tim Burtons artful and, occasionally, frightening films. He instantly became my hero. The Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands, and Sleepy Hollow became my new obsessions. The design of the characters, the darkness of the stories, and the aesthetics of the films’ design stuck in my mind. I started to think, “Why am I not doing this?” “When is it my turn?” I wanted to be a film maker.
Fortunately, there has always been a video camera in my house hold. Home movies were constantly being shot every time my sister or I decided to do something cute. I commandeered the camera and began shooting my first short films; classics such as “The Dog That Ate My Shoe” and “The Amazing Flying Budgie” became a reality. I wanted more.
I needed to fuel my passion, to charge my creativity, so I began writing. I took snippets from my favorite films and interjected my own ideas. I filled dozens of notebooks with short film ideas, play scripts, conceptual art, and character analysis. I showed the scripts and ideas to all my friends. I corralled them into being my actors, subjecting them to my every critique and changing the films direction on a whim. Once I had sucked them dry of their willingness to cooperate, I found new subjects. I soon had actors at my beckon call for any film I felt like making.
More recently has my taste in film and my film making style matured, as has my lifestyle, into something a bit more artistic and a bit more deep. My new inspiration is the work Andy Warhol, his “factory” members, and the fast paced lifestyle he led. I’ve begun finding my own “super stars” and leading them into the proverbial lime-light. I have my very own Edie Sedgwick, whom whole-heartedly believes I am indeed the next Warhol. For now, that is.
My views on the world, my artistic edge, my creative flow, and my film making style are ever changing. One week you may find me in the middle of a corn field filming a silent sci-fi flick. The next week I am in an abandoned home filming a gory horror movie. Every so often, however, something really grabs me and inspires me to do something brilliant that you’ve never seen before.

Long Time No Words

I haven't posted on here in foreeeever!! I feel so bad about that. Mostly to myself. I really wanted to be commited to this and keep posting every day, but it's been way too long I've just been busy, I guess. Maybe lazy. Maybe both. I'm probably just slacking off and don't want to admit to myself how lazy I really am so I make up that I'm really just very busy. Anyhow, moving on.

I cannot wait to graduate from highschool. I cannot wait to graduate, period. Highschool, College, all of it. I just want it to be done. I like learning on my own time. I hate time restraints and requirements and grades and the whole thing. I'd rather just go to the library, pick up a book, and learn about things I really want to know. If I really wanted to know about mathmatical theorems and equations, which I really don't, I would go find out about them on my own.

Continuing on from that, alot of people my age see college as a freeing experience. It's a way to get away from parents, and your hometown, and occaisonally a chance to find out who you are on your own. In many ways it is. But for someone who has already began her higher learning education, I know the many new difficulties that go along with fending for yourself. College professors are much less willing to help you along and find, or hand, you shortcuts to better grades. They expect to hand you a syllabus on day one and they expect it to be complete by the end of class. If you can't handle their class or their curriculum, they will flat out tell you to get out. That's the end of it. No questions asked. If you can't cut it, they cut you off. The harsh reality is that being on your own and college is really being on your own at college. There is no Mommy and Daddy to catch you when you fall. You either learn to catch yourself, or fall flat on your face.