Your move. [The malicious melancholy of my mind]

I would tell you. Really I would. If I thought you could handle it. No, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to you! You know who you are. You're my everything. A life force I can't deny and can not accept. Mostly because it scares me, but more because I don't trust myself with you. I can't tell you these things, these secrets. I wouldn't do that to you. You know the old saying, "Love will set you free"? Well, it's bullshit. I'm slowly learning this. Love is a trap and love is pain and love will always break you. I love you more than I love myself and so I will never tell you. That would be selfish. Like, that scene in Chasing Amy, where Holden confesses his love for Alyssa. I wanted to cut his throat and spill his blood all over that Red Bank sidewalk. How do you do that to someone you love? Indulge yourself and free your soul while turning someone else's world upside down? I can't do it, so I won't tell you. I'll keep this to myself and let it eat away at me. It's a maggots-on-flesh kind of love. This is Disney love in reverse. No happy endings or sunsets here. Just a broken heart and these broken pieces. You are the missing piece of my puzzle and you'll never even know it. I think of you as the color blue, because that's how you make me feel. Pen in hand, head in sand, I'm keeping this a secret and I'm keeping you safe. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let you kill me inside? The smile on my face is just a mask for the malicious melancholy in my mind. Heart disease was never as painful as loving you. Don't sit there looking at me like you don't see it. Like you don't see me. Half lit cigarettes never lie, and neither do I. The secrets getting harder to keep, just like these tears and the fears within my heart. Don't sit there and look at me like it's going to make any difference. I'm not asking you for anything. I just want you to know that you ARE everything. I'm sure I can find anything I need in you. The question here is, does it want and is it willing to be found? 

The Trials and Tribulations of This Bed and These Sheets

Hold on tight to this one they say

You don't want her to get away

Hold on tight to me I'll say

It feels so good when you move this way

[chorus] 

You build me up, baby, build me up so high

and I'm so high, and so happy that I could just die

And we'll lay here and we'll lay still

and we've got more lust than these two hearts can fill

I'm holding my head up and arching my back

But I'm afraid our perceptions a bit out of whack. 

Please cut me some slack

I'm aching for this to be done

I'm loving what we have become

This is more than kiss and tell

It's just a little last farewell

for what we were 

[chorus]

You build me up, baby, build me up so high

and I'm so high, and so happy that I could just die

And we'll lay here and we'll lay still

and we've got more lust than these two hearts can fill

It's a long road

So I'll just hold

on as the story here curtails

I'll keep all the gory details

to my self 

[chorus]x2

You build me up, baby, build me up so high

and I'm so high, and so happy that I could just die

And we'll lay here and we'll lay still

and we've got more lust than these two hearts can fill

[i hate this piece of shiiiit]

A Ticking Time Bomb Set To Explode

I'll keep you here tonight

Between my legs

between our hearts

just let it all go 

how could they ever know

Candy apple kisses 

and the taste of cigarettes

those are the things i miss

and i still have no regrets

about the past

the vibrations from these strings

among some other things

still keep me up

chorus x2

all i have is this guitar 

and my memories of you

and i swear to fucking god

that i'm never gonna miss you

chorus

spoken: And while I'm here fucking you, he has no idea does he? 

Fingernails are for scratching not for biting

Nights spent driving around this town

We're separate but we're never alone 

Spent far to many nights going down

Became so used to the sound of your moan

We were clear of our intentions

And do I really need to mention

That infamous night you knelt between my 

legs 

I swear you almost made me 

beg 

for it

I took your hand but you lead the way

there's so little we need to say

at this point

My arched back was embedded 

with your fingernails 

The only thing I dreaded 

was the end. 

And the return of your girlfriend. 

The Things You Do For Fame Astound Me

Along the sandy shores we walked all night

Out on the moonlit beach we felt so right

But that night

You took flight

And you left me 

There you left me

Standing here on this empty street

In our fair city where star crossed lovers meet.

But that night

You took flight

and you left me. 

There you left me 

Without a hand to hold on to

Nothing in the world I can do

Cause you left me

There you left me 

Intrigue

Intrigue makes this world go round. 

Just a taste, a touch, a feeling 

can light a fire. 

You intrigue me far more

than you rightfully should. 

Why do you take 

so much

of my attention? 

Attention to detail wasted on the

turned up inner corners 

of your wasted smile. 

I bet Dorian Grey never even felt

this alive. 

This Is The Difference Between Sex and Sensuality

You be the love and I'll be the passion 

in this game of sexcapades. 

Lean back

Go slow

Don't rush yourself

You be the time and I'll be the anticipation 

Perfect Song

Everything's blurry, like I'm not awake. 

You're close but so distant, like maybe you're fake. 

I'd keep you a secret, if I could hold you down.

I'd make you smile, but you never frown. 

Living life quickly, oh please don't slow down

oh please just go down; stay down; slow down. 

My life is blurry, I'm never awake.

You're always so distant, because you are fake. 

A dream that I dreamed 

so sweet till it's gone

If I could write it all down

It would make the perfect

song. 

I'd keep you a secret, if I could hold you down.

I'd make you smile, but you never frown.

Living life quickly, oh please don't slow down

oh please just go down; stay down; slow down. 

A dream that I dreamed 

so sweet till it's gone

I'll write it all down in 

you're perfect

song. 

Laws of Attraction

Laws of attraction

and life's limitations.

It's all circumstantial and

it's all meant to be

broken. 

Jump back 

step forward

don't step on the cracks.

Two steps forward

one step back. 

Touch

Taste

Hear 

Smell

FEEL

BE

The Laws of attraction

tell you it's working to your

advantage.

Two steps forward

one step back.

Blue and Gold

Here we go

Down, down, down through the gutter

where you belong

Dance, dance, dance yourself better

Be young

Be bold

Be you

Be gold

Gold, gold, gold is your color

Bold, bold, bold as your mother

Was the day you were born  

Born, born, born to be alive

since you were only five years old

Don't let them tell you you're too young

Too young to be you 

Too young to be blue

Blue, blue, blue is the color

of the soul you hide so well 

Gold, gold, gold is your color

Blue, blue, blue is another 

thing you have of your mother