Definition Essay

Love.

Love comes in many forms. It can be beautiful, wonderful, and horrifying all at once. There is no telling when love will hit, but when it does, it does it obviously and immensely. Love is an emotion of incalculable measure. Love can cause amazing amounts of pleasure as well as pain. It is the most intense and obscuring emotion anyone could ever experience.

I have fallen in love once, and only once. I hope that it never happens again. I am still in love. Those last three sentences may seem to clash on view point a little bit and this is purposeful. I have fallen in love and I love being in love. You could even say that I am in love with love itself. However, love is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The first moments of love, the first glimmers of affection, are the most enjoyable moments of life. The fluttering feeling of holding the one you love, their breath on your ear, and the words that they say can alter your perceptions of the world completely. There in lies the problem. I enjoy change but only the self inflicted variety. When someone comes along and alters my perceptions, changes my view point, and turns my world upside down, I am expected to become a bit angry. When I am simultaneously falling head over heals in love with this person, paradox ensues and chaos is caused. There is an unabashed want to please this person, and urge to prove myself, and an ache to be accepted. Coupled with a feeling of confusion and uncontrolled desire, my world became even more topsy-turvy.

When love hits you, you know it. It is one of the most easily recognizable emotions. Your palms sweat, your heart races, your ears buzz, and your vision blurs. There is the unmistakable feeling of blushing. The warming of your cheeks gives way to uncontrolled flushing of the cheeks. Occasionally you become thrown into catatonia. You cannot move, speak, or even begin to resemble an intelligent human being. If you try, you bumble your way through a mumbled, garbled monologue of disaster. Love, a social setup for destruction. However, in the occasional moment when two people are simultaneously thrown into a love-speak catatonic state, they seem to defy the laws of science by understanding every indiscernible mumble that escapes the others mouth. This is true love. At your stupidest, most unrefined moment, someone has found an endearing quality hidden under your stumbling, mumbling exterior. Bingo. Jackpot. Yatzee. You've won. Would you like to see your fabulous prizes? You have won your very own, custom made, one true love. Congratulations. Priced to own at a life time of gratification and unflinching admirartion.

Love is a dangerous angel. Francesca Lia Block, my favorite author, wrote that in one of my favorite books. I whole heartedly agree. But, unlike Bob Marley's relaxing reggae music, when it hits you do feel pain, but if you play the game of love correctly you won't be saying sorry.

Sexual Frustrations

I'll keep this short for the sake of my audiences sanity:

I fucking hate being single. For very selfish reasons. Ohwell.

Revelations

This is truly weird.

You know, being single and all.

I'm not used to it anymore. After a year of being in a relationship is like I don't remember how to function in a singular fashion. I don't have to worry about anyones happiness but my own.

I like it that way.

I've already been asked on a semi-date and hit on mercilessly. It makes me feel good about myself.

Is that weird?

I think teenage relationships are slightly over rated. After the experience of being in a fairly serious one, I realize they're one of the worst things you can do for yourself before the age of eighteen. It's not like it's wasted time, because the good parts were great. However, the bad parts were just stupid. Almost meaningless. Relationships before "adulthood" are a bit of a sham. They're filled with false hopes, disappointment, and broke promises.

I'm not saying they're all bad. I loved being in love. But I think at the time I was more in love with love than I was with him. It was a really good learning experience. I learned about myself and about how I am with other people. I learned that I was way too caring for my own good sometimes. Also, I am [or was] way too empathetic. I let other peoples problems suck me in, and take me over, and control me. I didn't like myself anymore that way. I wasn't me anymore and I needed to be.

If anything, your teen years are about being you. Spend the time figuring out who you really are. Don't let anyone, anyone, attempt to change who you are or how you think or how you feel. It's not worth it to let people in that deep.

You're life should be about you. Before you're a parent or responsible for another human life, it shouldn't be any different.