Tomorrow is no place...

There once was a man. He sat at the table directly caddy-corner from mine, night after night, and watched me eat potato chips. As he watched, he wrote. As he wrote, he whistled. As he whistled, a song formed. This song was about me. I never knew this. Night after night we would lock eyes and I would smile and he would frown. Then, on an average Saturday evening, the man was conspicuously absent. No eyes, no writing, no whistling, no song. I was alone. This man was the Devil. This man was God. This man was my father, and my mother, and my home, and my heart. This man was the world. This man was an angel. This man. 

Uhm, Hi. Fuck you =]

I'm sort of going to stop vying for your attention. Honestly, it's not really worth it. I mean, being ignored is fine. I can deal. I'm sure she's more interesting than me anyway. I really only need you for one thing anyway. Not that I couldn't find someone else in about 10 seconds. I've got a whole roster, really. You just happen to be at the top of it right now. I could bump you down a few spaces. Or I could just bump you off. Take your pick. You seem to be bumping me down on yours as we speak. Good luck finding another me. [There aren't any more of me, just so you know. You'll be searching forever and find nothing like me. Good luck. Goodnight.] I couldn't care less about her hair color or eye color or breast size or height. We check out girls together all the time. That's fine. I fully understand this dynamic. But when something grabs your attention more than I do, I admit I get a little bit offended. Alright, actually, I'm completely offended. You're out with me. Fucking get over this girl. She's not yours anymore and I doubt she wants to be. She's teasing you, baby. I know she is. We all know she is. Your vying for her attention the same way I'm usually vying for yours. Just don't lose yourself in an hopeless endeavor. Oh wait. Too late. Sucks for you. Good luck. Goodnight. 

As yet, Untitled

Take it easy, sugar

You're going to fast

Put out that cigar

And let's have a blast

As you spin rapidly

And speak so vapidly 

About your past

I promise to outlast

Your silly dreams

And let out screams

Of joy for you 

I'll never break your heart

We'll never be apart

And baby count on me

I'll be your hug

You be my tree

Let's road trip

and we'll sip

on delicacies

of the alcoholic variety

And you let out a sigh

As we let life pass us by

And stare at passers by

On this train ride

We try to abide

By their laws of 

Disobedience 

Oh baby baby

Tell me how you feel

Oh sugar sugar

I'm signed and sealed

Oh honey honey

Let's make a deal

Oh baby baby

Tell me how you feel

Take it easy, sugar

You're going oh so fast

Drop that cigar

And let's have a blast 

You keep strumming

and I'll keep humming

This simple chorus

Oh baby baby

Tell me how you feel

Oh sugar sugar

I'm signed and sealed

Oh honey honey

Let's make a deal

Oh baby baby

Tell me how you feel

Poor bunny.

Bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunnybunnybunny...oh shit. I think we hit it. Did we? No? Yes? Maybe? [get out. check the tire. replay the moments in your head] Yea. I think we did. Dude! You killed a bunny! I know! But, it was a stupid bunny. Well...yea. C'mon, it WAS stupid. Yea. Right. Stupid bunny. Mhmm... 

Stream of Conciousness [if there ever was one]

I will not think about it. I will not think about it. I will not think about it. I will not think about giving you a blow job. I will not think about nudity. I will not think about sexuality. I will not think about the apartment. I will not think about my car. I will not think about YOUR car. I will not think about p'diddle. I will not. I will not. I won't. I shouldn't....I did. 

These thoughts are uncontrollable, as are the urges that go along with them. 

I will not think about it. I will not think about it. I will not think about you. I will not think about your anatomy. I will not think about MY anatomy. I will not think about my anatomy and your anatomy being intwined. I will not think about rug burn. I will not think about my personal difficulty with belts. I will not think about how I despise clothing in general. I will not think about how badly I want to be naked right now. I will not think about it. I will not. I will not. I won't...I did. 

Your move. [The malicious melancholy of my mind]

I would tell you. Really I would. If I thought you could handle it. No, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to you! You know who you are. You're my everything. A life force I can't deny and can not accept. Mostly because it scares me, but more because I don't trust myself with you. I can't tell you these things, these secrets. I wouldn't do that to you. You know the old saying, "Love will set you free"? Well, it's bullshit. I'm slowly learning this. Love is a trap and love is pain and love will always break you. I love you more than I love myself and so I will never tell you. That would be selfish. Like, that scene in Chasing Amy, where Holden confesses his love for Alyssa. I wanted to cut his throat and spill his blood all over that Red Bank sidewalk. How do you do that to someone you love? Indulge yourself and free your soul while turning someone else's world upside down? I can't do it, so I won't tell you. I'll keep this to myself and let it eat away at me. It's a maggots-on-flesh kind of love. This is Disney love in reverse. No happy endings or sunsets here. Just a broken heart and these broken pieces. You are the missing piece of my puzzle and you'll never even know it. I think of you as the color blue, because that's how you make me feel. Pen in hand, head in sand, I'm keeping this a secret and I'm keeping you safe. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let you kill me inside? The smile on my face is just a mask for the malicious melancholy in my mind. Heart disease was never as painful as loving you. Don't sit there looking at me like you don't see it. Like you don't see me. Half lit cigarettes never lie, and neither do I. The secrets getting harder to keep, just like these tears and the fears within my heart. Don't sit there and look at me like it's going to make any difference. I'm not asking you for anything. I just want you to know that you ARE everything. I'm sure I can find anything I need in you. The question here is, does it want and is it willing to be found? 

The Trials and Tribulations of This Bed and These Sheets

Hold on tight to this one they say

You don't want her to get away

Hold on tight to me I'll say

It feels so good when you move this way

[chorus] 

You build me up, baby, build me up so high

and I'm so high, and so happy that I could just die

And we'll lay here and we'll lay still

and we've got more lust than these two hearts can fill

I'm holding my head up and arching my back

But I'm afraid our perceptions a bit out of whack. 

Please cut me some slack

I'm aching for this to be done

I'm loving what we have become

This is more than kiss and tell

It's just a little last farewell

for what we were 

[chorus]

You build me up, baby, build me up so high

and I'm so high, and so happy that I could just die

And we'll lay here and we'll lay still

and we've got more lust than these two hearts can fill

It's a long road

So I'll just hold

on as the story here curtails

I'll keep all the gory details

to my self 

[chorus]x2

You build me up, baby, build me up so high

and I'm so high, and so happy that I could just die

And we'll lay here and we'll lay still

and we've got more lust than these two hearts can fill

[i hate this piece of shiiiit]