Monday, January 19
America; A New Hope
Tuesday, January 13
As yet, untitled.
Thursday, December 18
The Church Channel
I’ve gotten used to feeling homesick in my own home. It’s become a version of normalcy. I’m not really alone, but I’m lonely, sitting here on my bed trying to figure out life, while thumbing through the latest Cosmo. I feel a little bit silly. I’m a little bit deranged. Some might say I’m searching. Sitting and reading, with the ever-flawless Drew Barrymore staring back at me from the glossy pages of the modern woman’s Bible, I feel fake. I’ve been reading Chuck Palanhiuk novels since I was ten, so Cosmo’s just not my thing, but I want to fit in somewhere.
The TV flickers green, red, blue, yellow, white off in the corner of my room. Somewhere in the back of my mind, just beneath my concentration, I hear the word “Bible” resurface. I read about the best ways to make a man fall madly in love with you. Most of them involve your thigh muscles. The words “Jesus”, “faith”, “belief”, and “life” flow past my subconscious just long enough for them to register briefly in my mind. They hang in the space between my ears, like a fly caught in a web. Dangling, waiting to be caught. I shake the words from the web of my mind and continue reading about the latest trends in footwear.
The idea of sleep occurs to me for a brief moment and I look at the clock. 4AM, not nearly earlier enough. I won’t be sleeping till at least seven, maybe eight, o’clock today. The television murmurs and flickers again in the corner of my room, and my eyelids flutter briefly over the screen. The church channel. I grapple for the remote, which sinks only deeper into the flannel depths of my bed sheets. Again, the words “Bible” and “belief” brush past my ears, in a dance of what sounds like perfect alliteration, at the time. I try to shake the words, but the murmurs of the TV seem to grow louder. The sinking remote has apparently been given free-will to adjust volume. My eyes graze over the images on the TV. Someone’s praying.
I reach the remote with my big toe and pull in closer. As I click the television off, the sounds of the televangelist prayer hangs in the cold air of my bedroom.
Maybe sleep is a good idea. Tonight.